thank you joy and mike !

today was the worst morning i've had in awhile.
jacks 2nd day of preschool.
we got up this morning,
colored and did crafts for almost an hour.

when i reminded him he was going to school today.....
he freaked. screaming, crying, shrieking..
he finally calmed down ..
until we got to school.
it was horrible.

his teachers had to call for help to hold him down

i was so torn.
the things he was screaming made me feel so sad.
he continued screaming and crying.
frantically yelling..
"mommy, dont leave me here"
"how can u do this to me mommy"
"i want my mmooommmmyyyy"
"please please PLEASE dont leave me."

the teacher kept telling me,
just go.. he will be fine, you are making it worse.
i understand and whie i do feel she was right,
its not an easy thing to do.

hearing those words while sobbing and reaching for me,
watching him act like a caged animal...
didn't really put my mind at ease.

so i hugged him, explained we would be back soon, and i left.

hardest thing i have EVER had to do.
and stood outside the classroom hysterically crying.
i haven't cried that hard in a very long time.
i look in.. about 3 minutes later and jack was fine.
drawing with chalk.
the longest 3 minutes of my life.
definitely harder on the parents.
i hope he doesn't need therapy next year because of this.

when todd picked him up, the teacher said he was fine all day.
jack told us he liked it. doesn't mind the school,
but doesnt want to go back.

so all night he's been thinking of ways to persuade us not to make him go back.
he told his teacher he's moving out of pennsylvania
because his mom said there is a law in PA saying you have to go to pre-k.
i have no idea where he thinks hes moving to.

the crying continued all day off and on.
he is constantly talking about school
and how much he doesnt like it because he doesnt know anyone.
it breaks my heart because nothing i say is making it better.
his personality is so different than mine,
i have no idea whats going on inside his poor little head.

so on the way home tonight he says ..
mommy..we still need to talk some more about school.
the second we get in the door,
and put randa to bed,
i wanna talk about it. we have to figure it out,
there has to be SOMETHING we can do....
he is literally dragging his feet, head hanging, sighing ...
and my heart is aching...
even though i'm sure some of it is for "show"

i glance in the mailbox and i am thrilled.
something to brighten up this kids day.

i hand him his "emalope"..
he opens it, see the baseball diamond,
looks up at me with a huge smile i havent seen all day
and says..
no way mommy!! is this what i think it is?
are you joking me or is this real mommy??
this is a dream come true!

(swear to god.. word for word)

so we go to the computer...
and we look to see where our seats are.

and when he finds out that he isnt allowed to take the tickets to bed with him,.
he settles for the phillies schedule booklet instead,
and the rest of the night he only mentioned school once....