a favorite picture..

this is one of my favorite pictures.
I can remember telling todd when they said I needed a c - section.
I gave him the camera and said.. take a ton of pictures.
I don't care what they say,

what they do,

what the rules are.

you take a TON of pictures if you want to stay married to me

i wanted to see what happens when they take our baby away.

the worst part of the pregnancy wasn't the weight gain,
wasn't the morning sickness all day, for 10 months long,
it was having a c section.
not the recovery.
I did well with that...
but fact that I only got to see my baby for 5 minutes.
until 16 hours later when they finally brought him in really was upsetting.
I remember being up, showered, and just sitting there waiting for him.

I was trying to pass the time, so i made and got a bunch of phone calls.

and of course, because most of the people close to me had already seen him,

i got to hear alllllllll about him...

"you should see how big he is!"

"he loved getting a bath"

"he looks just like you"

"he was so quiet when they brought him in the nursery"

"he looks just like you"

"he is so cute and completely perfect"

"he was so content & only screamed when having his footprints done"

"he looks just like you"

"he has your nose"

by this time i was getting VERY impatient while waiting for the nurses

from the nursery to bring him in to me!

when i finally got to see him, I had only an hour to bond with him
before the visitors starting coming..

ok, so back to the picture........

this is one of the shots todd got that I love.
it was when the nurses brought jack into the nursery.
this is the first time everyone there is seeing him.

i love the reactions on their faces.

so, as i said, i was bitter.

I remember being so excited to show everyone my baby.
I couldn't wait to introduce my baby to the world.
...and really...everyone else saw him before me.
i was mostly angry with todd. my thinking was..

i carried this baby for months.

i was sick almost the whole time..

i went through all this hard work...

and you get to hold this baby first, before me.

you get to proudly show him off to everyone,

HOW does that possiblty make ANY sense?

while i lay there alone..

left with my thoughts.

wondering whats happening.

i hated it. and was so so very angry.

at him.

at the world.

the following days, the nurses told me..

you'll be ok. its the baby blues..completely normal.

i nodded my head smiling but inside i'm thinking...

do u HAVE kids? are you kidding???

and in one second my thoughts changed.

i saw the tape.

kristen and dana recorded everything for me.

how could i be so selfish?

i still hate everything about having a c section

but instead of looking at the negative..

why not be grateful for my wonderful friends.

why not be thankful that they gave me a chance to see what i missed.

i wasnt physically there,

but i had the next best thing if you think about it.

a few days later, i had the chance to see what went on.

i have said this before and will continue to say it.

i have the most amazing friends.

i was still able to share in one of the best moment of my life

and isnt that the important thing?

what a blessing.